Disrespect: Your Teacher

Imagine…you are sitting near someone you have known for years: you can choose whether it is family or friend. Think of a specific person. Do you have them in your thoughts? Imagine a conversation with that person where they become very disrespectful. They squint their eyes; the skin over their nose crinkles; they purse their lips; the tension in their jaws increases; and, all of this happens just before they open their mouth and the tone of their voice changes. Maybe they interrupt you in mid-sentence. Maybe they continue to talk over the top of you as you try to speak. Maybe they lean toward you as they are speaking. Can you think of a time this happened?


Disrespect can be a skillful teacher if allowed. Rather than defending yourself, consider going against your knee-jerk reaction. We want to be heard. We want to be recognized. We want to be needed. We want to be understood. We want to be pursued. WE do. WE. “We” also means they--the person to whom you are listening. Jesus, the Son of God, taught humankind that it is better to give than to receive(1). That means it is better to give respect than to receive it. This likely means sacrifice. It likely means surrendering, at least temporarily, on being in power. It likely means honoring someone who may be dishonoring you. The disrespect you are experiencing is a sign: it is the other person screaming at you the following words, “I AM NOT IN CONTROL, I AM IN FEAR, I AM THREATENED: WILL YOU SHUT UP AND FIND OUT WHY?! DO YOU CARE ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THIS CORE PART OF WHO I AM?!”

 Rather than responding to another’s disrespect by entering into an argument, why not allow disrespect to instruct you. See disrespect as a teacher who can help you understand a deep and volatile part inside of someone else.

(1) To read more about giving respect in context, click the following two links:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Choose to Move

I just came out of surgery. Going in wasn’t hard. I felt mostly well. I could move all my limbs. I could feel all my limbs. I was joking with the nursing staff. They gave me the “happy medicine,” which felt like pudding flowing through my head. Life became even easier and the experience nearly enjoyable. Coming out of surgery was a different story. I felt like I was out of body. I couldn’t move my limbs. I couldn’t feel my limbs. I was scared. The happy medicine no longer took the edge off my experience, and I was starting to feel pain. Did I mention, I couldn’t move? [Watch this post: https://youtu.be/2mHpoLAPEZQ ] How can a person go into a relatively simple surgery and come out paralyzed? I don’t know, but it happened to me. On top of all this, the nurses began to argue with me: Them: “Mr. Hurlbut. Can you please move over into the chair?” Me: “I can’t move.” Them: “Yes you can. Just move over into the chair.” Me: “I told you, I CAN’T move!” Them: “YES YOU CA...
Read more

The Victim Mentality

Whether we like it or not, history does repeat itself. Markets plummet, nations fight, people argue, management refuses to listen, employees refuse to engage themselves. In families, unspoken expectations abound and spoken expectations are often unmet. All these circumstances educate us to be skeptical students of life. Every day we face the effects of other people’s decisions and can do nothing about them except smile and go on. As we experience these constant torrents, little by little, the surface of our pride and worth is eroded away. We stand the temptation of becoming self-centered and defensive. We develop a victim mentality. People are often quick to embrace the victim mentality because it removes all blame and responsibility from themselves and places it on something or someone else. We are a victim of circumstance. We are a victim of others’ decisions. “I didn’t decide this. I can’t control it. Why should I have to take the blame for it?” This exemplifies the conversation we...
Read more

Emotions as Tools: Feel Your Interactions

Friday night 10:19PM, my mother is in the emergency room: she feels like she can’t breath; she’s not getting oxygen. Six years of cancer treatments led her to this day. Her body is giving up. My sister and I try to comfort her; all I can do is just stand there. She’s in pain. The nurse gives her a shot of morphine to help. That was it. The shot relaxed her enough, she quit fighting to breath and in five minutes she died. The shot only sped the inevitable. Her body had already quit. The doctors wanted to try and keep her alive, and I was the one that said, “Let her go. She’s done.” I went home and cried like I have never cried before. Crying so deeply that I couldn’t breathe. I sat in the shower for two hours and couldn’t stop. Only twice in my life have I experienced crying at that depth. Click here to subscribe to It's a Buck's Life Change scenes. It’s 2PM on a Saturday. Beautiful music is playing. Double doors swing wide open across the room from where I’...
Read more